Forgiveness by Brandy D.

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God has seen the mess I’ve had to live through earlier in my life and yet I still have a heart, despite the messiness. Sometimes my heart feels hard but it still beats! And it feels for others. I decided to share something I’ve learned; even if helps just one person.

I’ve known my ex-husband since I was seventeen. We’ve been divorced since 1999, but we’ve stayed friends, even though he hurt me deeply as a young wife and mom. Honestly, now he’s like a brother; he doesn’t really feel like an ex to me.

I made a decision to try not to hold a grudge against him. I decided to forgive and move forward, plus we had a kid together!

The deep hurt I went through happened when I learned that my first husband was gay. I’m sure this will blow some people’s minds, and I will share more about that story sometime. But if I can forgive deceit like that, and the fact that he was an alcoholic…well, it wasn’t easy.

When I was younger I held in anger and resentment, but during our marriage I started going to church and learned that forgiveness was something I had to work on. I went through a lot of pain during those years.

But now, with church in my life and getting to know God, I’ve learned a lot, which has helped me become more laid back. I don’t have anger issues like I used to, especially because I learned about forgiveness.

I believe I carried anger for many years and it only hurt me, not those who I was mad at. So when I learned to forgive, not necessarily forget mind you, but to forgive, it was like a huge weight was lifted off of me…from my soul and my heart.

It’s so hard to forgive when your heart’s been hurt. Believe me, I know! But you have to or you will continue to be hurt even when the person isn’t there. And that’s allowing some one else to have control over your life. I don’t want anyone to have control of me or my emotions, but me…and God, because He knows how I feel and He will provide!

Sometimes I wish I would’ve learned all of this sooner, but God knows the best time for things, not me. I’ve got to trust that truth and trust Him. Maybe He prepared a harder life for me, because otherwise I may have never found Him.

He knows what He’s doing. 🙂

What does forgiveness mean to you?


(Photo is from Brandy and Tammy’s trip to Oklahoma City, where Brandy had the honor of seeing the Oklahoma City National Memorial for the first time)