God has seen the mess I’ve had to live through earlier in my life and yet I still have a heart, despite the messiness. Sometimes my heart feels hard but it still beats! And it feels for others. I decided to share something I’ve learned; even if helps just one person.
I’ve known my ex-husband since I was seventeen. We’ve been divorced since 1999, but we’ve stayed friends, even though he hurt me deeply as a young wife and mom. Honestly, now he’s like a brother; he doesn’t really feel like an ex to me.
I made a decision to try not to hold a grudge against him. I decided to forgive and move forward, plus we had a kid together!
The deep hurt I went through happened when I learned that my first husband was gay. I’m sure this will blow some people’s minds, and I will share more about that story sometime. But if I can forgive deceit like that, and the fact that he was an alcoholic…well, it wasn’t easy.
When I was younger I held in anger and resentment, but during our marriage I started going to church and learned that forgiveness was something I had to work on. I went through a lot of pain during those years.
But now, with church in my life and getting to know God, I’ve learned a lot, which has helped me become more laid back. I don’t have anger issues like I used to, especially because I learned about forgiveness.
I believe I carried anger for many years and it only hurt me, not those who I was mad at. So when I learned to forgive, not necessarily forget mind you, but to forgive, it was like a huge weight was lifted off of me…from my soul and my heart.
It’s so hard to forgive when your heart’s been hurt. Believe me, I know! But you have to or you will continue to be hurt even when the person isn’t there. And that’s allowing some one else to have control over your life. I don’t want anyone to have control of me or my emotions, but me…and God, because He knows how I feel and He will provide!
Sometimes I wish I would’ve learned all of this sooner, but God knows the best time for things, not me. I’ve got to trust that truth and trust Him. Maybe He prepared a harder life for me, because otherwise I may have never found Him.
He knows what He’s doing. 🙂
What does forgiveness mean to you?